of my deraest Mom. Amma, I called her. Had many differences with her but loved her nevertheless. She too loved me nevertheless.
a great upbringing. As a child, we lived a lower income group existence. Chawls, common toilet. Mom was a villager who got
married at 12 yrs to dad. Dad came to Mumbai and learnt electronic trade of repairs - radios, recorders, gramaphones.
Mom did her SSC in Mumbai alongwith her first daughter and then BA, B Ed, ended up a teacher. When I was a
kid, she gave me a kings attitude. taught me that I was the best, above the rest. never realised we were poor. When I wanted
a cycle as a kid, she never said no, but rather "you shall get it in 2 months" and she would collect money by giving
additional tutions after her teaching job at school.
stood 17th rank in first standard, she said you can stand within first three ranks in school if u try hard enough. I stood
third in second standard. First in Third Std, First in Fourth Std. Always First thereafter till my Gold Medal in
Medicine.Kings attitude. Gift of Amma to me, forever.
As I grew
up, we had our differences. I decided to look after her in old age. Despite differences, despite the fights with Amma on many
issues. After Dads death, I got her to a new house in an Appartment, a welcome change from the chawl. Stayed together for
last ten years of her life.
the end. Congestive cardiac disease. Draining her slowly and steadily. I took her out of Mumbai, to meet her relatives. despite
her illness. To many fun trips. Celebrated her 82nd birthday with pomp last month.
some days found her on the floor with a stroke. My hear sank, here is the end I thought, which I was dreading. Came D
day. Returned to find her semi concious. I decided to make peace with our differences. Spoke to her. Told her I was grateful
to her for my childhood and upbringing. Apologized for my differences of opinions. Understood her stand on some issues. forgot
ones I couldnt. She smiled and said. I have only loved you, nothing more than any other mom would have done. She would
open her eyes wide when she heard my voice. I would take her semi concious body in my arms and talk to her, flirting
mischieviously. She would smile and giggle like a teenager even at such a time of her end.
Went to work, training the local police force, I asked her to hang on till evening. She nodded. I returned to find
her totally unconcious, deep coma prevailing. no talk, no movement, no eye opening, failing pulse rate. relatives filtered
in to pay respects. After loving her and hugging her and holding her for a while, I went to my appartment adjacent to hers.
Suddenly I was called after 2 hours, by a panic struck relative. She died, She died they said. I rushed back. Pulse rate Zero.
No Breathing. Cardiac Arrest!
loudly "Hey Amma, my darling, YOU CANT GO AWAY LIKE THIS.Common open your eyes and kiss me. Guess what, She takes
One deep breath. Pulse comes back to 32, Her LIPS POUT to meet my cheek. Wow She kissed me. Did I imagine this, I thought?
What nonsense, I am a doctor. Let me try again. COMMON OLD GAL, KISS ME ONE MORE TIME. There it is ONE MORE POUT. Felt
wetness of her saliva on my cheek. My Sister follows. I shout again. HEY AMMA, ONE MORE KISS FFOR SIS. The Pout and pursing
of lips as Ammas lips met my sisters cheek. Seema shouts WHAT ABOUT ME AMMA? NOTHING FOR YOUR DAUGHTER IN LAW? Seema
gives her cheek. Amma pouts once more. WOW! And suddenly pulse disappears. Breathing still. Shes gone. I supress the
tears in my eyes.
relatives get a chance to cry, I STAND UP AND CLAP. Relatives follow suit. ALL OF THEM STAND UP TO CLAP. They have seen
her outstanding performance. I had to give her a standing ovation.
after cardiac arrest, the Brain is still alive. Brain death occurs after 10 minutes or so after the heart stops. This
is the time a dead person is still perceiving, hearing, feeling, emoting with the sensory inputs of the environment. AMMA will
surely have heard us clap, We followed by EMBRACING HER ONE BY ONE. I HELD HER ON MY LAP for 15 minutes before beginning
to say. Son, I will always die when u r around. On your lap. Not only did she die on my lap, but also kissed me and went.
BYE AMMA. Will never forget you!
AUGUST 2011 - MY SURGERY
I never believed in operations. The human body was too perfect to be corrected
from outside. So after 35 years of martial arts & rigorous physical training, when my intestines decided to protrude from
my abdomen, I developed a swelling in my lower abdomen called as indirect Inguinal hernia. Whenever I would strain or breathe
out during exercise the swelling would increase. After observing for around 10 months, I saw the swelling increase from 1
inch to 3 inches in diameter tearing thru my tissues.
I now had a choice. Let the swelling lie harmlessly without operating _ but
in this case I would have to give up rigorous training including Martial combat arts. Or Get Operated and continue practice
of the art I loved more than my life. I sat contemplating_ For the sake of my survival, specially of my ageing body, which
was now caving in at various places, like the present hernia, Should I stop the art which was meaning of my life and living?
Was living a life worth it without doing what u like? without an art which had given me so much, almost everything I got in
life was via the practice and understanding of combat and martial arts. I couldnot live without it. The operation on the other
hand was in my own ideology a hostile invasion into my body in order to attempt correct a defect based on wear and tear. I
was terribly against operating as the hernia was in no way bothering me except that it said slow down and stop hard core arts,
which was the love of my life.
I was demoralized and my spirits started failing. The whole meaning of my
life was lost. In my life I had chased art rather than material gains and status. Now even that was threatened. Nothing was
left. Without any doubt, after contemplating 8 months, I reached a decision. I then decided to get operated within 3 months.
I approached the best surgeon in speciality, someone who does transplants
and persuaded him to operate on my minor problem. But instead of giving me a date 3 months later, he was free only tomorrow.
So like a fighter, I said yes and agreed. So without fear, I lay on the op table and submitted myself to the process.
I came out of the theatre and was paralysed below the waist due to spinal
anesthesia, couldnot pass urine and couldnot stand. Plus the severe pain on site of the surgery unable to even turn in bed.
Others recover within 4 hours, I stayed like this for 24 hours. It was helpless not being able to pass urine and the severe
pain preventing any movement. As I lay helpless in bed I wanted to groan in pain, but I thought what the fuc, how can I display
such weakness/ but then I said no weakness in vocalizing what the mind thought, so I went ahead and groaned my pain out. My
mind was however extremely alert and sizing the situation for survival at any cost.
The recovery is bad as hell. I have very stiff back, immobile legs, difficult
urination, difficulty in sleeping. Very restless and eager to atleast get out of bed. I seem to have chosen hell when I could
have enjoyed with you. But my mental weakness is not supported by my brain and it is compelling me to endure and survive as
is ingrained over years. I know this too shall pass and it was a logical decision.
Sometimes I allow myself to crib and groan like a pawn but at the same time
do all actions rigidly with the head the KS way. KS or King sperm is that one sperm which beats 30 million to reach the female
gamate ovum. I am also studying myself and sizing me at all times. There is lots of impatience and intolerance but also undying
conviction and will in the core with a finality to goal.
I saw my buddy Seema beside me her face creased and troubled with empathy.
My Tina was shocked and kept reassuring me trying not to show her distress. My Angel was tearful and couldnot bear to see
me in such a helpless situation.I took a sedative and a painkiller, and woke up next morning. With suprahuman effort I willed
myself to stand up, the pain shearing through my abdomen like a cutting knife and tried to walk a few steps. As soon as I
succeeded in baby steps, I announced I am going home from the hospital. I walked down from the hospital and headed home. I
had done it. Survived. Overcome my weakness.
Through all its troubles and disdains life always gives you an opportunity
to stand tall , walk bold and be tough . Like Nelson Mandela once said , " courage is not absence of fear , but the ability
to act despite it". Similarly, toughness is not the absence of pain perception -but the ability to endure it while continuing
to walk , in the direction of survival, fighting all the odds without giving up. Without allowing the body to stop its forward
movement while discouraged by the torments of pain.